Things around

All is good in Evans' world! We have been out of treatment for 4 weeks now and everything looks good. Two weeks after Rituximab, Ric had 93,000 platelets and 3.8 white blood cells. 4 weeks after we are at 141,000 platelets and a whopping 6.1 white blood cells!! He's only on 10mg of prednisone per day. 

As always, I am cautiously optimistic. It seems that we are heading in the right direction, even though I know that Evans can creep up on us at any moment. However, at this moment, I choose to believe we are heading in the right direction.

There are so many things going on around me. My mom was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They caught it super early! The specialist says that she will be in the 5% of people that survive it. My uncle, who's had cancer for a few years now and is really more like a dad than an uncle,  seems to be having a rougher time as time goes by. I am just so thankful that Evans has given me a little break so I can have time to deal with everything else around me.

I have had to learn that things are not happening TO me, but AROUND me. That I have a choice on how to deal with all of it without losing my mind. That the same day I receive great numbers from Ric, I hear my mom has to go through 12 rounds of chemo and 1 of radio to prevent the tumor from growing back again. I choose to tell my mom, "look at Ric! 4 chemos and apparently they are working"! I have chosen to be a positive force, once again. Even when I know, this is the hardest path to follow.

I just hope Ric is closer to remission, mom is closer to a cure and my uncle is closer to having some peace. 

Vows

My husband and I got married 13 years ago today.  Back then, Ric was a healthy, talkative 1 year old. When we took our marriage vows, we never thought  that the "in sickness and in health" part would ever pertain to one of our children.  For whatever reason, we always think of those vows as between husband and wife. We don't think that those are the same vows we basically take when we have children.

I have heard many horror stories of husbands who leave their families when a child gets diagnosed with a  serious illness. I always think to myself those have to be the biggest assholes on Earth! This was a huge concern for me when Ric got sick. During the first days of Evans I often thought, holy crap is this going to put so much stress in our lives that it will end up breaking our marriage? It is a reality in so many other households, why would we be spared?

So far, so good. Josh has been my rock. He has been there for me for better and the worst! He gives me space when I need to vent, cry, yell, about how unfair it is for Ric to have such a thing. He understands that I am in a constant state of alert and stress. He doesn't throw it in my face, he just deals with me and comforts me when dark thoughts come to mind. He puts me in perspective real quick and reminds me every day that we are moving forward in the right direction.

I solemnly swore years ago to have and to hold you, for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor and cherish you til death us do part! Now, that applies to both Josh and the kids! It is amazing how perspective changes as life changes. The one constant always being love and forward movement!

Stronger

My good friend A sent me this ecard the other day with the following text following: "you must be like steel now lol!!" To which I answered..."some days I feel I am, other days I question it."  I don't know if we become stronger or if we just become used to the status quo. They say it takes 30 days for a human being to build a habit, I guess the same goes for getting used to a different life.


It's been three weeks since our last CBC. I was desperate to know where Ric's numbers were. DESPERATE!!!!!!! I was literally like Glinda in this pic! LOL I was losing patience and wanted to fast forward to July 8th. I had no time for people's bullshit, no time for anything except Ric's numbers!

July 8th was finally here!!!!!  Our appt was late in the day, therefore we had to wait...ONE DAY MORE for results. WTH?!?!? UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Do these people not know my anxiety???? In my head, when Dr.Eslin and Nurse Jen told me we had to wait one day more it completely sounded like the song from Les Miz. "Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in heaven has in store....one more dawn, one more day, ONE DAY MORE!!!"

July 9th...results are in. Ric's platelets are at 95,000. After three weeks of just being in 15g/day/prednisone platelets were holding still at 95,000, which for Ric is great! Our doctor decided to start weaning Ric off of his steroids a bit more, so now we are down to 10mg/day and NO CHEMO for the time being!! NO CHEMO!!! WHOHOOO!! Yay for little victories!!!! We will go for labs in two weeks, see where his numbers are and decide what the next step will be. Of course, I hope we can just keep weaning him off and soon enough be in no medicine in the enchanted land of remission, which, in my head of course,  looks like OZ....all shiny and awesome! "Some day I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me....where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me!"

In this day by day world we live in,  we will enjoy the next two weeks of no needles and no CBC's (Liliana you better behave and not drop a house on any bitch!). I have to remember, even when I doubt it,  that I have become stronger. We, as a family, have become stronger and that is something to be grateful  for. My dear friend A, thanks for the reminder! xoxo

The waiting game

Is it July 8th already?? OMG! This whole waiting three weeks for testing has played with my anxiety, big time! Last week I told Josh, I'm calling the pediatrician so she can do a cbc and I can actually sleep better at night knowing he's fine. Of course, he didn't let me! He reminded me how we need to listen and trust our doctors. Well, that is definitely easier said than done!!

Ric has been doing fine! No bruising, no symptoms whatsoever! He has been volunteering at the kid's Summer Camp twice a week and that has kept him entertained. So far, so good. He has been hanging out with his friends, going to sleepovers and enjoying life as a 14 yr old....oh and getting grounded too for going on a sleepover and forgetting to take his meds! I guess this is what is all about, right? Trying to stay as "normal"  as possible.

On July 8th we go for blood tests. We will find out if the chemo rounds worked or if he needs more rounds or if we need to change medicines. July 8th needs to get here fast! 

I promised myself I will stay as calmed as possible until July 8th! Let's see how I do!