Little victories in valleys of hell

"Your body can stand almost anything. It's your mind that you have to convince" - Unknown

That has definitely been on my mind this whole week.  It is not until we are faced with the unimaginable that we learn that we are strong enough to deal with it.

I was talking to a very good old friend of mine today. Both our families are walking through "little valleys of hell" as a fellow Evans' parent so eloquently put it the other day. We were talking about all our fears with our kids. I mean, how can we protect them? We can't be there with them every single day at every single minute! I am sure this is a burden on every parent's mind, but when you are dealing with tough shit that takes on a whole new meaning. 

He was telling me how his wife and him read my blogs and feed from my energy and my attempts to stay positive and strong for my family. I explained to him that they way I look at it is something like disciplining children.  The tough thing to do is to give them discipline. The easy thing to do is let them do whatever the hell they want.  For me, the tough thing to do is staying positive and strong. The easy thing to do would be to dig a big hole and bury myself, and everyone around me, in it. That is just not acceptable.

Monday, Ric couldn't do his Rituximab treatment cause he was covered in hives. They gave us Atarax to treat it, which is a bit stronger than Benadryl.  That seemed to help. We were hives-free Monday afternoon, Tuesday and Wednesday!!! Wow! Two and a half days of some kind of peace.

Wednesday was the day the New York City Marathon drew their lottery and notified runners who was actually going to run. They do that because they get soooooooo many entries, you just can't register for it. It has to be a drawing, unless you can qualify which for me would be a 3:10hr marathon...yeah, not that good of a runner! This gave me something to fix my mind to the whole day. This day wasn't about Evans, it was about the NYC Marathon.  I checked my email countless times. My friends checked theirs. We were texting, all anxious to find out if anyone made it into the lottery. Some experts say it is harder to get picked to run NYC Marathon than it is to get into Harvard. Ric was having a fantastic day too! Me and the kids sat down for dinner, my hubby was working, and when I'm done I tell the kids "ok, if mama makes it in the NYC marathon you can play video games during the weekdays for what's left of the school year". I mean, seriously, the odds of that happening!! LOLOL I was safe! We fininshed dinner and I tell the boys....I'm going to check one more time, ok? OK!!! they said. And there it was.......YOU ARE IN the NYC Marathon. HOLY SHIT! A VICTORY!!! A VICTORY IN THE MIDST OF THIS VALLEY OF HELL!!!!! Ha! It was an awesome moment to share with the kiddos. When I put William, who's 11, to bed that night he said "I will never forget this day, it was great to dance around in the kitchen because you made it into the NYC Marathon".

After two perfect hours of rejoicing and still not believing I got in, I start thinking to myself....well, that is if I can make it to NYC. I mean, seriously, if Ric is not somewhat stable that is just not happening. However, if I can't make it this year I do have guaranteed entry for next year.

It was amazing how my mind clicked from being a little down and frustrated to this is what I need! I need to train for a race! I need a goal, I CAN CONTROL!!!!! I can control my training, I can control my runs. This can keep me focused, energized, and strong. I don't have to be out there until 2pm! I can start running at 4am and still be back before my husband has to go to work. YES, I can do this! This is just what I needed. Getting to run NYC was the "happy pill" I needed.

Thursday, hives came back around 6:30pm. They weren't as bad as before, but they were there. However, Ric took his med, we put some caladryl and he slept very well. Today, we had to go back to the hospital cause there was bruising, but his numbers were fine. 97,000 platelets! Whohooo!!! Another little victory!!!!!

So, this is how I choose to measure this week.  Out of 6 days, Sunday, Monday and Friday were stressful. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were just fine. That's better than last week, where we had 6 stressful days. I have to convince my mind that we can handle almost anything. That's the tough thing to do, but it is doable. My dear good old friends, we can't lose focus as we walk through our little valleys of hell because at the other end of this valley there's an amazing beach where we will sit with a mojito in hand getting energized to walk the next valley.