Hives are just hives

So, yesterday doctors had to do a full autoimmune  checkup on child #2, William. He's been having hives since Sunday. They come and go. He is also complaining of joint pain, but that is to be expected with hives.

Hives can be just hives, said the dr, but we want to make extra sure. Lymphnodes are a tiny bit swollen around his neck. But, that can also be due to a viral infection. These can also bring about hives.

Nevertheless, a full autoimmune check up sent me to a very dark place I rather not visit. It reminds me so much of when we started dealing with Evans. Ric is so concerned for his brother, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to hear him say "they told me not to worry at the beginning too, before we knew what we were dealing with. I am expecting the worst, hoping for the best!!" Those were the words out of my 16 yr old's mouth. Those are my words! Prepare for the worst, holing for the best. Somehow, hearing them come out of him broke my heart into a million pieces. I could see and feel the anxiety coming out of him. It is almost as if we both have autoimmune PTSD. 

This shit has us traumatized! As soon as they told William yesterday it wasn't strep he asked "is it something serious? Like Evans?" Holy shit! This is the reality we live in. There is nothing simple anymore. It doesn't matter how I try to appease them both, they are still worried sick and I can't take it away from them. 

Our pediatrician said not to worry, yet! Hives can be just hives! Nothing else! That's what I keep telling them and that's what I keep telling myself.

A friend told me today "kids feel deeper than we give them credit for". She is so right and that is what breaks me. Because I can't fix it. No matter how hard  I try to reassure them, the anxiety of being seriously sick is a reality in our house for one of them. Therefore, they all think that could be their reality too.